Dear Jax (1 month)

(the sweetest little guy)

Dear Jax,

This past month has flown by!  So much has happened and you having been growing so much.  You came into this world at lightening speed... we made it to the hospital with only 20 minutes to spare before you were born.  Then just 4 days later we moved to our new house in Ridgefield.  While I spent the first month of your sisters life on the couch just holding her, this time around I haven't had the luxury of snuggling you on the couch all day, life just marches on.  I have worn you in my wrap every day so we have gotten lots and lots of snuggles in even though we have been on the go go go.  It is hard to feel like I am not giving you the attention you deserve when we have so much going on.  

You have been such a sweet and mellow little guy and I am soooo thankful for that.  From the very beginning you have been a champion sleeper.  I pray this never changes!  You will sleep soundly in your mamaroo seat for hours and hours as long as your sister doesn't bother you.  You really are just so peaceful.  You also look exactly like your sister did when she was born, seriously you guys are twins!  It does seem like you will have my hazel eyes which should win big points with the ladies (wink, wink).  There is no doubt that you are the most handsome little guy ever!     

(future model?)

Your sister loves you so much and wants to hug you and kiss you all the time.  If you are crying and I am in another room she will come get me.  Sometimes she can be a little rough with her love but I know she means well.  It will be fascinating to watch you both grow up together and I pray that you love each other always (even when you don't like each other) and become the best of friends.  Your uncle Nick and uncle Merrick are my best friends and I really hope you and Elodie can say that about each other when you are older.

When you were three and a half weeks old we took you to your first wedding - your Uncle Nick got married to Aunt Naomi!  The weekend was pretty overwhelming because it was the first time your dad and I had to juggle the needs of you and your sister while being in a wedding and catching up with lots and lots of family.  I felt like a frazzled mess the whole time but you were an angel.  I wore you in my wrap and you slept the entire weekend.  Thank goodness you were so good because your sister on the other hand was a very needy toddler.  It was a pretty overwhelming weekend but also a really special one because everyone was so excited to meet you and we got to officially add Aunt Naomi to the family (she is pretty awesome, you will love her).

This first month with you has been a big adjustment, but we are so overjoyed to have you here.  We cannot wait to watch your personality emerge and to watch your relationship with Ellie grow.  You are the perfect addition to our family little man, and we love you so much!!

Love,
Mom

(couldn't love him more!)

Dear Baby #2 (34 weeks, 4 days)

(30 weeks, 2 days)

Dear Baby #2,

My poor neglected child... just kidding you aren't truely neglected.  I can't believe this is only my 4th letter to you and we are already well into the third trimester (slacker mom).  Though the quantity of letters may not be as high as it was with your sister you have to know that I think about you all day long.  I feel every single one of your punches and kicks as if you are already fighting with your sister for my attention.  I think finding the balance of giving you both the attention you deserve is going to be hard.  I find it a little intimidating.  I love your sister so much and I already love you so much even though we haven't officially met yet.

Yesterday your dad and I took a little time to focus just on you.  We left your sister at home with a babysitter and went to get a 3D/4D ultrasound so we could see your cute little face.  You were very sleepy with your arm up and the umbilical cord covering part of your face but we managed to get you to move around enough to get a really great view of your face.  Boy of boy you are just the most handsome little baby in the whole wide world!  It seems that you are already a deep sleeper.  All the tapping and nudging we did to try to move you around didn't disturb your sleeping at all.  Perhaps all the abuse you are taking from your sister is conditioning you to be a good sleeper... fingers crossed!!  Your dad and I keep looking at the photos and commenting on how absolutely adorable you are.  It  was so special to see you on yesterday and spend time focusing on just you.  Seeing your cute squishy little face makes me even more excited to meet you.  I just can't wait!!!

(our handsome boy) 

(a little Elvis smirk)

(I cannot wait to kiss this face!!!)

Life is going to get pretty crazy as we approach your due date.  Your sister and I are moving up with your Grammy and PaPa on August 7th and you will be born at the same hospital that your uncles were born in.  Your dad and I are in the process of buying a house and if everything keeps going well we will close on August 12 exactly one week before your due date.  The plan is to move into the house sometime within a week after you are born.  It all sounds a little crazy doesn't it?  I am trying not to think too much about it and just take one week at a time so that I don't get too overwhelmed.  All the craziness is going to be so worth it though.  The house has the most incredible playroom that your sister is going to love.  We will be spending a lot of time in there.  Lucky you will get to grow up with so much more room to run and play.  I know your sister is getting a little tired of the small apartment we are living in now.

Time is moving so quickly and you are going to be here before we know little one.  I have to go get an ultrasound tomorrow to check on your weight because I have been measuring small.  I am confident that you are growing right on schedule but it will be nice to know for sure.  Keep fattening up in there my love!  We are all anxiously awaiting your arrival!

Love,
Mom

(30 weeks, 2 days)

Dear Baby #2 (20 weeks, 4 days)

(20 weeks)

Dear Baby #2,

This week we found out that you are a BOY!!!  We are so excited to have this new adventure ahead of us - your dada is especially excited!  I am thrilled that I get to buy cute baby boy clothes and your dad is thrilled he will have a little sports buddy.  I cannot wait to see what our mama/son relationship will be like.  It will be totally new territory for me but I just know it will be extra special.  Hopefully by the time you arrive your sister will be willing to share me a little bit more. 

Since officially finding out you are a boy I have been thinking a lot about what you will be like/look like.  Will you be born with hair like your sister?  Will you have brown eyes like your sister?  Will you be a calm and sweet newborn like your sister?  By the way, do you like sugar???  All I want to eat these days is sweet things and I would like to blame it on you.  Would you be ok with that?     

I am definitely bigger at 20 weeks than I was when I was pregnant with your sister.  It makes me a little nervous for the rest of the pregnancy because it means I will be bigger much faster as the weather gets hotter.  It is probably going to be an uncomfortable summer for me but you are worth it.  No matter how much I have to limp (sciatic nerve pain) through the rest of this pregnancy like a zombie (severe lack of sleep) it will all be worth it in the end because I will finally get to hold you in my arms.

Well my little man, I want you to know that I love you very much and cannot wait to meet you!  You are going to be the perfect addition to our family.  

Love,
Mom

(20 weeks)

(it's a boy!!!)

Dear Baby #2 (18 weeks 3 days)

(18 weeks, 3 days)

Dear Baby #2,

How are you doing my little love?  I will admit I sometimes feel like I am not paying enough attention to you.  Your big sister takes up all my time and energy.  I do think about you all the time though.  I have been so anxious to feel you moving around in there.  Today I think I definitely felt you but your noticeable movements are so brief it is hard to be 100% sure I am feeling what I think I am feeling.  I wonder if you will favor kicking my right ribs like your sister did.  It is going to be extra special when your dada and big sister get to feel your punches and kicks too (maybe in a couple weeks).  

Your big sister is totally clueless about your existence and honestly I am not really sure she will know you are coming till after you arrive.  As my belly gets bigger we will talk to her more and more about you.  I often wonder (and worry) about how I will handle being a mother to two littles.  I will love you both sooooo much (I already do) but I hope to find a balance so that you both feel equally loved by me.  Having you two be so close in age will be challenging for me but so amazing for you and your sister.  I am really close in age with my younger brothers and they are my best friends.  I really hope that you and your sister become the best of companions and stay that way all your lives.   

We find out if you are a boy or a girl in a week and a half and we cannot wait to know!!  Your daddy and I think you will be a boy but perhaps you will surprise us.  Finding out if you are a girl or a boy means we will be half way to meeting you.  Time is flying by so fast!  We have some hurdles to tackle before you arrive... buying a house... moving... setting up a new house... and even though it stresses me out a little I know that everything will work out.  We are anxiously awaiting your arrival little one but in the meantime stay put and keep growing big and strong.  I love you so much!!     

Love,

Mom

(18 weeks, 3 days - with both of my babies!!!)

Dear Baby #2 (12 weeks, 6 days)

(Baby #2 - due August 19, 2015)

Dear Baby,

Hello my new little love!  I can hardly believe you are here growing inside my belly.  It feels pretty surreal... perhaps because you came as a little bit of a surprise or perhaps because your big sister demands all my time and energy.  We got to see you today for the first time and it was so special.  Your big sister cried during the entire ultrasound... not because she isn't excited about you but because she doesn't like when anyone touches me. 

Your dada and I are so thrilled that you will be joining our family this summer!  I have a feeling your big sister is going to be really excited too.  At the moment she doesn't like to share mama so hopefully as my tummy gets bigger she will get used to the idea of sharing me.  To be honest it scares me a little bit that I will have another baby to love as much as I love your big sister but I know deep down that there is plenty of room (and love) in my mama's heart for both of you.  I am going to love you SO MUCH!!! 

Keep growing big and strong in there my little love!

Love,
Mom

Dear Elodie (12 months... 1 year old!!!)

(the cutest birthday girl in all the land)

Dear Elodie,

What a month this has been - a gamechanger!  You have become so much more of a little girl and less and less of a baby.   Your personality is flourishing right before our eyes.  You are goofier than ever and have become quite the affectionate lovebug.  You have started giving us kisses when we ask for them!!  Oh man does that make my mommy heart soar - it is the best!  You hug your stuffed animals (especially Marie the cat) and will even give mama and dada hugs.  You are really the sweetest little girl.  There is nothing better than having you run into my arms.  Always remember that you will never be too old to hug and kiss your mama :)

(just staring at dada)

These days you are fascinated with taking things apart and putting them back together... like your stacking cups... or taking things out of a bag or box and putting them back in.  You want to climb up on everything especially your walker or ride-on elephant.  Though you often end up chewing on them, you do enjoy flipping through your board books.  You love wearing a necklace and trying to put on mama and dada's shoes.  I can put just about anything on you and you will wear it around the apartment for the longest time.  Your favorite accessories at the moment are my chewbeads necklaces, but you have been known to wear my scarf or dada's shirt on your head.  You also like to pick out different shoes to wear throughout the day.  

(she just can't resist that sticker)

Your goofiness is shining through more than ever.  You love to do stuff to make us laugh.  Your silly little quirks are coming out too.  You love to dance.  You have your own little Ellie dance where you bop from foot to foot, I call it the "Mooshy Shuffle."  Though I don't love to admit that we do let you watch some TV, it is pretty cute to see the way you bust a move when the theme song to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse comes on.  You start to dance and glance back at dada and I with the biggest grin on your face.  It is so fun to see how much you are just like me when I was little... between the accessorizing and the dancing you are turning into quite the mini-me.   

(she looks so cute and innocent when she's doing something we've asked her not to) 

At 12 months old you...

... give the best kisses

... can hear a woof woof (dog) from a mile away
... say "woof woof" for just about everything (especially dogs)

... clap your hands all the time

... love pointing to mama or dada's nose
... have some awesome dance moves
... love accessorizing

(that precious face!)

We have definitely entered the testing limits and being a little stinker stage.  You 100% know when you are doing something you are not supposed to.  Most of the time you look at me before touching something you shouldn't and just shake your head no.  You don't usually stop doing it when I ask you to, but lately if I say no sternly enough and take a step or two in your direction you will stop and try to run away from me.  I am not looking forward to having to discipline you because I would rather just laugh at how cute you are when you misbehave.  Oh this isn't going to be easy. 

(she is perfection)

  

The best part of dada's new job is that he has been working from home... you absolutely love having dada home to play with.  In the morning I will ask you where dada is and you run to the bedroom door and bang on it till I let you in.  Our new favorite routine is knocking on the front door after we get back from an activity so dada will answer the door for you.  One day when we got in the elevator to head home you looked up at me from the stroller and said "dada" cuz you knew we were heading home to find him.  You still don't really say mama but I can live with that.  It is important to me that we really take advantage of all the extra time you get to spend with dada.  Every night I will get you ready for bed, but then you sit with dada on the couch so he can brush your hair.  It is the sweetest.

(there is so much personality packing into this lovebug)

There are hardly the words to describe how amazing this last year has been.  It has been a year full of the deepest love, unimaginable joy, lots of self-doubt and worry.  Being a mom is such a hard job.  I just want to hold you close and sooth every boo-boo and protect you from any hurt in this world but I can't.  My biggest test will be letting you go... letting you fall on the playground... letting you figure things out without my help.  You have blossomed into the sweetest, goofiest, loviest, most precious little girl.  Your growing independence tugs at my heart strings but it makes me so proud.  My sweet girl, I love you with every ounce of my being.    

Love,
Mom

Dear Elodie (11 months)

(my beautiful lovebug - she is the sweetest)

Dear Elodie,

Well little miss crazy-pants... you can be a total lunatic these days... always on the move!  Usually when you get tired you get more hyper and act totally crazy.  It is pretty cute but also leads to more falls and more tears.  Every day you get closer and closer to walking on your own.  You have taken your first independent steps but still prefer to walk while holding onto someone's hand.  I think your dad and I are ready for you to be walking on your own so we can give our aching backs a rest :-)  

(always moving full steam ahead)

(she is so proud of her walking skills)

Over the past few months we have seen your sense of humor emerging.  These days you are the goofiest goof.  It is safe to say that daddy and I will do just about anything to get you to laugh because oh man your laugh is the best.  I can't wait for you to start doing funny things on purpose to make your dad and I laugh!        

(always moving those arms)

This past month we have started two new classes.  On Tuesdays we go to our Little Explorers class at the 92nd Street Y.  It is the next step after the Babies Together class we did over the summer.  For an hour you get to roam around a room filled with toys and babies.  The best thing about this class is that we have a guaranteed hour a week where you get to interact with other babies and play with new toys.  At this age each baby pretty much plays independently or tries to steal another baby's toy.  When other babies crawl up to you/over you or take something you have you usually just sit back and let it happen with a confused look on your face.  I usually just sit back and let you handle it on your own, though I will admit the mama bear in me totally wants to stand up for you. 

(the sweetest face in the whole wide world)

(she's comin' for ya)

On Wednesdays we have swim class and you absolutely love being in the water.  You spend pretty much the whole class in my arms but the instructor does take you for one little dunk in the water, and you do not like that at all.  You don't object to the going under water part, it is the leaving my arms part that you hate.  Though I want you to be brave and independent, I really love that you are my snugglebug.  You are rocking your swim class my love.  You do really well going under water and climb out of the pool like a pro.  I am so proud! 

(big steps for my big girl)

At 11 months old you...
... have taken your first independent steps!!!
... love to clap
... know how to wave and high-five
... stick out your tongue when I ask you where it is
... like to communicate by screeching

(her hair is getting so long)

We have been hanging out with some moms and babies in the park lately and let me tell you it has been life changing.  Being a stay-at-home mom can be kinda lonely and it really makes such a difference to be able to chat with some other moms doing just what we are doing.  It is also so important to me that you get to spend time with other babies.  We love going to the park and hanging out with friends, don't we?

(standing all on her own)

(crocs... her favorite teether)

Eating is getting better and better.  We offer you food 3 times a day and let you eat as much as you want.  Some days are definitely more successful than others.  Your current favorites are smoothies, turkey, bananas, tuna and apples.  I try to structure eating with you at least sitting in my lap but inevitably you end up playing around and I just offer you bites every so often.  Next step is working on the highchair.

(she certainly tries to tell us lots of stuff these days)

Discipline... well I feel like Kevin and I are gonna suck at this.  I know we will probably do a good job when it counts but right now we can't help but laugh when you do something you shouldn't because you look so darn cute doing it.  You definitely know when you are doing something you aren't supposed to... like eating books... because you usually look us right in the eye as you do it.  You sometimes even shake your head "no" at us.  I know we have to be consistent with our discipline so that you learn to listen to us, but man it is hard.

(the tongue is always out these days)

It is almost your first birthday and while I am so excited for this milestone I am also a little sad because it means you are growing up.  Part of me just wants you to stay my little baby forever though I know that we have so many fun firsts to look forward to as you grow.  Keep growing my love and never forget that you are always my baby no matter how big you get.       

Love,
Mom

(looks like a yawn but she is actually mid-sentence)