Dear Jax (5 months old)

(just the sweetest face)

Dear Jax,

I will probably write this in every letter but you are just the sweetest little boy.  I hope you hold onto your sweetness forever and ever.  I am constantly wondering how your personality will unfold as you get older.  Will you stay my mellow sweet boy or will you become a rambunctious wild animal?  Perhaps you will be a little of both.  I am so looking forward to watching you grow but don't grow too fast, actually stay my baby forever wahhhhhhh.

(still can't get over how much I love his expressive eyebrows)

It has been so fun to watch you become so aware of the people around you and recognize people you know.  When you see someone you know you smile really big and shyly hide your face into my shoulder, it's the cutest.  It is especially wonderful to watch your face when you see your sister.  You absolutely light up!  She is pretty obsessed with you too.  It is my dream that you stay obsessed with each other forever and ever and ever.

(superman scrunch-face)

We had a fun Christmas in Montana though you decided that you were only going to sleep in someone's arms.  Having you sleep on me every night meant I hardly got any sleep but I would make any sacrifice for you little man.  It was pretty cold so we didn't take you out in the snow but next year we will and I think you will love it.  Next year we will get to spend Christmas with your three cousins... there will be five kiddies running around and it will be total chaos but totally awesome.  Not having your cousins there this year was a bummer but it did mean that you got lots and lots of extra snuggles from Grandma and G-Pa.

(that Elvis lip!)

At 5 months old you...
... light up when you see your big sister 
... have just discovered your feet
... love sticking out your tongue and blowing raspberries
... refuse to stay on your back for very long
... love crinkly baby paper
... are starting to take a WubbaNub (your sister's favorite)
... sleep in your crib like a big boy
... are really fascinated by screens of all kinds (phones, TVs, iPads)

(he makes a lot of noise these days)

Shortly after we came home from Montana, we had our first night apart.  Your dad and I went into New York City to go to a Phish concert together while you and Ellie stayed with Grammy and PaPa.  Your dad and I used to go to Phish concerts all the time - hopefully one day you will know how cool that is, haha.  I was very anxious about leaving you for the night.  We hadn't really given you a bottle and it is always just hard for me to be away from you and your sister.  Of course everyone survived though you and Ellie did give Grammy and PaPa a little bit of a rough night. 

(ahhhh I love him so much)

(just the sweetest face in the whole wide world)

You did give us quite a scare this month when you fell out of your rock n play sleeper and bumped your head.  I woke to the sound of a scream/cry over the monitor and when I looked you weren't in your bed so your dad and I bolted out of bed and ran into your room.  Well, I actually more stumbled/crawled to your room because I couldn't get my legs to work.  Thank goodness you didn't fall very far and you landed on the thick rug.  You cried for a few minutes and then you turned into your usual smiley self which was very reassuring for us.  To be safe we took you to the pediatrician the next day and confirmed that you were just fine.  Let's not ever have you get hurt again, ok?

(love the scrunched toes)

(always always always grabbing his toes)

(rolly polly)

Though I knew you should be sleeping in your crib it took you falling out of your rock n' play sleeper to force me to make the transition.  As with most things it went much smoother than I anticipated.  You are taking all your naps and sleeping at night in your crib now.  You always sleep on your stomach.  I was putting you down on your back but you never really settled like that and then when my parents watched you for a night my mom simply put you down on your stomach and that did the trick.  I always put you down on your stomach now and you sleep really well that way.   You are getting to be such a big boy already.

(so much sweetness)

(holding his own hands has become very fascinating for him)

We love you so much little man and we could have not asked for a more perfect addition to our family!  

Love,
Mom

P.S.  I think it is safe to say that you will officially get your Dada's brown eyes just like your sister.  In the beginning it did seem like you would maybe get my hazel eyes but alas I think I have lost this one yet again.  

(this boy is just the best)

Dear Jaxon (4 months)

(can he look at me like this for the rest of his life please?!)

Dear Jax,

You are such a joy!  There is so much love and light in your little body that you just have to smile all the time.  

(the happiest little wiggle worm)

(as sweet as can be)

(he does more and more talking every day)

Ummmm you got your first tooth!!!  How is that happening already?!?  Stop growing up so fast.  Your sister didn't get her two bottom teeth till she was 7 months old.  You are also packing on the pounds way faster than your sister did, haha.  You were about 2 pounds heavier than your sister at birth and at this point you weigh about as much as your sister did when she was 9 months old.   

(new dance move?)

(the cutest chunkiest baby legs)

This past month was your first Christmas which also meant your first plane ride and boy was it a doozy.  You were of course a patient angel for the whole thing (even your sister wasn't too bad).  We got stuck in Laguardia for hours waiting for our plane which made us miss our connection in Minneapolis so we had to spend the night there.  We were not at all prepared to spend the night with you and your sister in a random hotel (we didn't even have our bags).  We did survive and got to spend a beautiful snowy Christmas with Grandma, G-Pa and Lauren (your dad's cousin).     

(she loves to get right in his face)

(staring contest?)

At 4 months old you...
... roll over from back to front (always to your right)
... have two bottom teeth
... are always always kicking your legs or jumping
... love baths

(she finds him quite hilarious)

(casual fist bump between best buddies)

You did get sick for the first time this month and it broke my heart.  You got your sister's cold which then turned into croup.  I took you to the pediatrician and of course you smiled the whole time we were there.  Even sickness can't dampen your happy spirit.  Luckily you recovered quickly - thank goodness because listening to a croup cough is pretty scary.  I don't think there is anything more heartbreaking than seeing you or your sister sick.

(superman)

(my sweet sweet boy)

Are you feeling loved enough little man?  Do you get enough of my attention?  You are so chill that I typically deal with your oh so demanding sister before you get your turn.  I often feel guilty that you will never get the same attention from me that your sister got as a baby but I guess that is just the plight of a second child.  I do try to give you as much undivided attention as I can but unfortunately I think I fall short.  It's hard trying to get things done during the day and also slow down enough to just be with you and your sister.  

(staying on his back is soooooo last month)

(its a full body effort to flip his chunkiness over)

Thank you for being so forgiving as I struggle to hit my stride as a mama of two.  That smile of yours does wonders for my mommy spirit.  I love you to the moon and back (and back and back and back) my little man! 

Love,
Mom  

(always chewing on those hands)

Dear Jax (3 months)

(oh so very scrumptious)

Dear Jax,

My goodness you are the most smiley little man ever... the BIGGEST flirt!  If you make eye contact with someone then you are most likely smiling.  You are seriously such an angel with the sweetest disposition.  You are so chill and will sit quietly on your own which is very nice for me.  Of course you don't usually like to be completely abandoned so as long as you can see someone else you are usually pretty content on your play mat or in your chair.

(someone has found his voice)

Your laugh is simply the best.  Every so often you start laughing and just can't stop.  It is quite hilarious.  You are also super ticklish.  Taking off/putting on your clothes makes you laugh, slathering you with lotion after a bath makes you laugh, even rubbing lotion on your head makes you laugh.  When you get yourself all riled up just making eye contact with you will make you laugh.  You are the best! 

(delicious baby legs)

At 3 months old you...
... love to laugh
... screech at the top of your lungs
... smile at just about any face you see
... really love your sister
... are starting to grab at everything (especially hair, ouch)

(sometimes he just needs a little smiling break)

This past month you had your first Halloween, your first Thanksgiving and your first Mommy/Son trip.  You and Ellie dressed up as Mickey & Minnie Mouse for Halloween... definitely the cutest duo in the whole wide world!  We took you guys trick or treating in town (they had a big event on Main Street) though you slept through the whole experience.  Obviously, you were a huge hit at Thanksgiving where you got to meet lots of new family.  In mid-November you and I traveled up to Middlebury, VT to support your Grammy when she was inducted into the Middlebury Athletics Hall of Fame.  So many fun firsts this month!  

(smiling one minute, serious the next)

You are back to sleeping in your rock n' play sleeper (thank God).  You are still in our room and I honestly find it a little heartbreaking to think about putting you in your own room even though I know it is necessary.  I get asked often if you are sleeping through the night... you definitely aren't.  You get up usually 2 or 3 times which is ok.  My sleep deprivation is pretty out of control but I know you need me so it is worth it.  I didn't make your sister sleep through the night till she was a year old so I figure I will follow the same timeline with you.

(cutest baby ever!)

You are a tummy time champ!  Ellie, your tummy time coach, is usually on hand to offer her encouragement.  She loves to get down on the floor with you and get in your face.  It probably helps to motivate you to pick your head up so you can look at her.  You are getting so much stronger!

(best buddies)

(baby Jax is starting to get grabby) 

I don't feel like I have figured out how to give you and your sister everything you need though I maybe I am being a little hard on myself.  I tend to feel like a failure at the end of every day because you spent a little too much time on your own on your playmat or in your chair and I let Ellie watch too much TV so that I could get some stuff done.  It just seems like I cannot figure out how to give you and Ellie enough of me and feel like I do enough for myself too.  I am falling short on everything especially since I take great pride in checking things off my to-do list.  Being a mom of two means I have to just let my to-do list go and be present with you and your sister.  On the bright side you and Ellie still love me to death at the end of every day so in that way every day is a success.

(even his sad face is the cutest)

Keep getting chunky my little man (it makes you extra delicious!).

Love,
Mom

(big sister tickles)