Friday, May 10, 2013

Feeling pregnant... or not...

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have dreamed about being a mom for as long as I can remember.  I am pretty sure it is exactly what I am meant to be.  As you can imagine I have spent countless hours imaging what it would feel like to finally be pregnant for the first time, to finally be a mom.  I've pictured myself with a growing belly, imagined how sweet it would be to feel my baby kick, imagined how connected I would feel with this new life growing inside me.  Now I am where I have waited so long to be.  I am pregnant and I feel... normal.  HA.  Sure in the beginning I had really sore boobs and there were a couple weeks where I felt pretty nauseous but now the only symptoms I notice are shortness of breath when walking up hills or stairs and increased exhaustion at the end of each day.  Being easily winded and tired doesn't make me feel pregnant. 

Don't get me wrong, I am SO HAPPY about being pregnant.  There are so many things I am looking forward to.  I simply cannot wait to meet this little baby and watch Kevin become the best dad ever.  I feel so blessed to be able to carry this child (I know many people are not as lucky).  I just wish I felt more connected to the baby in this moment.  I still look at sonogram photos and have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that that little baby in the picture is inside me.  I think what I am craving so badly right now is a physical connection.  I want to be able to put my hand on my stomach and feel the bump the baby has created.  I want to feel all the little punches and kicks.  All of this will come soon I know and of course I will can wait as long as it takes (with as much patience as I can muster).  Maybe I will wake up tomorrow morning and my belly will have popped.  Maybe I will feel those first little flutters of movement in the next couple weeks.  I know I have to be patient but in this moment I just want it to be happening now.  Sigh...   

I am going to look back and feel really silly for writing this, aren't I?  I hope that no mothers who have had really rough pregnancies feel offended that I am complaining about feeling so good.  I just want to get be able to look back and remember how I was feeling at this time... to laugh at how stupid this will sound in the future.  This even sounds silly now as I read it back to myself.  I sure sound whiny.  I almost don't actually want to post it... but this is supposed to be an honest journey so post it I will.


  1. I have been waiting too... i can't wait to see BK being a great Dad! :)

  2. Megs, what you are feeling is so very very normal...and not silly or stupid sounding at all. As you said, you'll start looking and feeling more pregnant very soon, and you'll appreciate it even more because you've been yearning for it. The baby's movements will soon become the highlights of your days. Love you and love that little growing baby!!

    1. Lindsey, I cannot tell you how great it is to hear that I am not being silly/stupid. Of course Kev was making me all worried saying I shouldn't be complaining even though I tried to explain to him that I'm not complaining. I just feel differently right now than I thought I would. I know I will have a baby bump and feel those first little flutters so soon and it will be absolutely magical. I just can't wait! Love you!!!